Are You Consuming Your Own Guilt?

I’m writing this as an equestrian mum. But I’m also writing it as a horse owner.
And as a woman who spent a long time believing that if I just tried harder, planned better, or managed myself more efficiently, I could make it all work without anything slipping.

Motherhood corrected that belief fairly quickly.

Guilt is often framed as something that arrives with motherhood. As if it’s part of the deal. But guilt existed long before I became a mum. Motherhood didn’t create it - it intensified it.

Because when you add horses into the mix, the guilt multiplies.

The guilt of not being present enough at home.
The guilt of not being present enough at the yard.
The guilt of feeling torn, distracted, stretched — and then feeling guilty for feeling that way at all.

And a huge amount of that guilt doesn’t come from what we’re actually doing wrong - it comes from what we’re constantly consuming.

Scroll by scroll, we take in how other people mother.
How other people manage horses.
How quickly they’re “back”.
How calm they look.
How well they seem to cope with the chaos.

We consume these versions without context, without the full picture, and without even realising the impact it’s having.

Years ago, we didn’t live like this

Pre social media, we didn’t see how everyone else fed their baby, managed their time, ran their yard, balanced their priorities. We didn’t have access to hundreds of other people’s versions of motherhood or equestrian life - and all before breakfast!

We trusted ourselves more.
We followed our gut.
We did what worked for us because we didn’t know how everyone else was doing it.
Now, we’re exposed to it all. Now, we're second guessing ourselves -Constantly.

Somewhere along the line, we started believing we should be able to consume all of it without consequence. Motherhood. Equestrianism. Other people’s standards. Other people’s timelines. Other people’s opinions.

But we were never built for that.

We weren’t designed, as mothers or as equestrians, to carry the mental weight of constant comparison disguised as inspiration.

Motherhood today is loud. Equestrianism is loud too.

Everyone has an approach.
Everyone has advice.
Everyone has a version that looks polished from the outside.

And when you’re consuming that day after day, guilt is almost inevitable.

Here’s what motherhood has taught me the hard way:

Being stretched doesn’t mean you’re inadequate.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing.
And slowing down doesn’t mean you care any less.
It means you’ve reached a very real human limit.

The same applies even outside of motherhood. Because equestrians, with or without children, are expected to carry an enormous load while appearing endlessly capable. We call burnout passion, and we call depletion dedication.

But guilt isn’t proof that you’re not doing enough. More often, it’s proof that you’re taking in too much of how everyone else does it.

Maybe the work isn’t learning how to cope better.
Maybe it’s learning how to consume less. Less comparison. Less borrowed standards. Less noise telling you there’s a “right” way to do this.

Because love - for your children or your horses - is not measured by exhaustion.
And commitment isn’t proven by how much of yourself you give away.

If you’re carrying guilt right now, hear this:

You’re not behind.
You’re not failing.
You’re not broken.

You were simply never built to consume it all.

And trusting yourself again might be the most grounding thing you can do (and both your kids and horses will benefit from it!)

Stay Sound,
Sarah x