The Fear of Being Seen: Why Equestrians Care Too Much About What Others Think (and How to Stop)

Well, here we are again. Me, sitting down to write because something’s been rattling around in my brain, refusing to be ignored.

So let’s cut straight to it. Why do equestrians care so much about what other people think?

This sport is a breeding ground for self-doubt. Every ride is watched, judged, and (if you’re lucky) quietly analysed by the bystanters at the side of the ring. Your position? Scrutinised. Your horse’s performance? Up for discussion. Your outfit? Fair game.

And let’s be honest—it’s exhausting.

I see it all the time. Riders holding back in the warm-up because they feel like everyone’s staring at them. Playing it safe in competition because they’re terrified of their trainer’s reaction. Avoiding a new discipline because God forbid they don’t look like they belong.

And don’t even get me started on social media.

But here’s the thing: Caring about what others think is suffocating your confidence. And the worst part? It’s not even about them. It’s about you.

"Let Them."

Mel Robbins (you know I love her) has this concept called "Let Them." It’s simple, but life-changing.

• People are going to judge you? Let them.
• People are going to talk about you? Let them.
• People might not understand your journey? Let them.

Because guess what? It has nothing to do with you.

Their opinions? Not your problem.
Their judgment? Doesn’t change your path.
Their expectations? Not your responsibility.

And let’s be real—half the time, the people we think are judging us? They’re not. The loudest critic in the arena isn’t the trainer on the rail or the girl at the yard who always has something to say. It’s you.

Why Do We Care So Much?

Let’s break this down. Why are equestrians so wrapped up in outside opinions?

1. Because we’ve been conditioned to seek approval.

From the second we put a foot in the stirrup, we’re looking for validation. From our trainers, our peers, the judges, and let’s not forget—Instagram. We’ve been trained (pun intended) to believe that our worth is tied to someone else’s opinion of our riding.

2. Because this sport thrives on comparison.

Whether it’s ribbons, rankings, or whose horse cost more than your first car, equestrian sports are built around measuring yourself against others. And when you’re constantly being judged in a competitive environment, it’s hard not to care.

3. Because failure is public.

Let’s be honest—when things go wrong, everyone sees it. That missed distance? Witnessed. That dramatic spook at an imaginary monster? Caught on camera. That refusal in front of a crowd? Yup. But instead of seeing failure as a normal part of the process, we internalise it as proof that we’re not good enough.

4. Because social media has made it worse.

Scroll through Instagram and you’ll see flawless riders, perfect positions, immaculate white breeches. What you won’t see? Confidence meltdowns, bad lessons, or the times someone cried in their truck after a show (I hold my hands up to all of these). So we assume everyone else has it together, and we’re the only ones struggling.

How to Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Run Your Riding (and Your Life)

So, how do we actually stop caring what people think? How do we walk into the ring (literally and metaphorically) without carrying the weight of judgment on our backs?

1. Remember: No One Is Thinking About You as Much as You Think

I hate to break it to you, but… people are too busy thinking about themselves to be focused on you.

That rider you’re convinced is judging you? She’s worrying about her own round.
That trainer you think is side-eyeing you? He’s planning his next lesson.
That person at the yard whose opinion you fear? They’re dealing with their own stuff.

People are self-absorbed. It’s human nature. Which means the person you think is analysing your every move? They’re not.

2. Own Your Energy (Because It’s Contagious)

Confidence isn’t about being the best. It’s about owning your space.

Ever noticed how the most confident riders don’t always have the best technique? But they ride like they belong. And people respond to that.

Confidence is a decision. And if you decide you belong, other people will believe it too.

3. Play the "Let Them" Game

Every time you catch yourself holding back because of what someone might think, ask yourself:

• “If they judge me, can I let them?”
• “If they talk about me, can I let them?”
• “If they don’t approve, can I let them?”

And then—let them.

Because their opinions don’t pay your entry fees, their judgments don’t build your confidence, and their approval isn’t required for you to succeed.

4. Ride Like No One’s Watching (Because They’re Not)

You ride your best when you’re in flow—fully present, fully engaged, fully trusting yourself and your horse. But you can’t get into flow when you’re filtering every move through an imaginary audience’s judgment.

Your best performances won’t come from impressing others. They’ll come from expressing yourself.

5. Redefine Success (On Your Terms, Not Theirs)

Stop measuring yourself by other people’s expectations.

• Maybe success for you isn’t winning—it’s feeling confident in your ride.
• Maybe success isn’t getting validation from your trainer—it’s trusting your own instincts.
• Maybe success isn’t looking like you have it all together—it’s showing up even when you don’t.

At the end of the day, you don’t ride for them. You ride for you.

Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Stop Holding Back

This sport is hard enough without adding other people’s opinions into the mix. The best riders—the ones who truly love what they do—aren’t the ones obsessed with how they’re perceived.

They’re the ones who show up, do the work, and let go of the need to prove anything to anyone.

So next time you feel yourself hesitating, shrinking, holding back because of what someone else might think—stop.

Take a breath. Square your shoulders. And let them.

Because the only thing that really matters is what you think about you.