The Masculine Energy of Equestrian Sports: It’s Time to Soften the Edges (Yes, Even Mine)

Well, well, well… it’s been a while since I sat down to write, but let me tell you—this one’s been brewing in the depths of my mind for a while now. And if you know me, you’ll know I don’t say things lightly. So buckle up, because we’re about to dive into something that might ruffle a few feathers (or, you know, stir up the dust in the arena).

Let’s talk about masculine energy in equestrian sports.

For as long as I can remember, this industry has been all about push harder, be tougher, show no weakness. And for a long time, I was right there with it—leaning into my masculine side, riding through the pain (both physical and emotional), and believing that grit was the only way to succeed. The more you could tough it out, the better.

But here’s the thing…

When did we all agree that suffering in silence was the gold standard?

Somewhere along the way, the idea of ‘strength’ got twisted into something that, quite frankly, isn't serving us anymore. And don’t get me wrong—I’m all for resilience, but there’s a fine line between being tough and being downright miserable.

And this is where woo-woo Sonya makes an appearance. 🌿✨

Yes, I know. I’ve rolled my eyes at my own "soft side" too. But stay with me. Because what I’ve come to realise—after years of pushing, forcing, and trying to control every little detail—is that this sport needs more feminine energy. We need to soften. We need to stop tearing each other down. We need to stop wearing ourselves down. And we desperately need to start supporting each other, both in and out of the saddle.

When Did Toughness Become the Only Acceptable Trait?

Somehow, we’ve created a culture where behaviours like exhaustion, burnout, and endless comparison have become not just normal, but celebrated. It’s like there’s an unspoken rulebook that says:

• “If you’re not working yourself into the ground, you’re not doing enough.”
• “If you're not hard on yourself, you're not serious.”
• “If you’re not pushing your horse 110%, you’re falling behind.”

But let me ask you—how’s that working out for us? Because from where I’m standing, I see a whole lot of tired, frustrated riders who love their horses but are quietly wondering if they’re cut out for this anymore.

We weren’t meant to do this alone. We weren’t meant to constantly be at war with ourselves, our horses, or each other.

It’s Time to Soften (and No, That Doesn’t Mean Weakness)

Softness in this sport doesn’t mean you stop working hard. It doesn’t mean you lower your standards. It means we start bringing more to the table—more intuition, more connection, more self-trust. It means we actually listen to what our horses (and our bodies) are telling us instead of muscling through and pretending we’re fine.

Softness means allowing yourself to take a step back, breathe, and maybe even—dare I say it—ask for help without feeling like you’re failing.

It means offering encouragement to your fellow riders instead of side-eyeing their every move. It means letting go of the ego that says “I need to prove something” and instead embracing the journey for what it is—an evolving partnership, not a constant battle.

Support Over Sabotage

Let’s talk about something that really needs to change: the way we support each other (or, rather, don’t). Somewhere along the line, equestrian sports became less about community and more about competition—not just in the ring, but in life. And honestly? I’m over it.

Imagine what this sport could look like if we:

• Celebrated each other’s wins instead of secretly resenting them.
• Offered a hand (or a leg-up) when someone’s struggling instead of whispering about them behind their back.
• Created a space where it’s okay to say, “Hey, I’m not feeling confident today,” without judgment.

Revolutionary, right?

The Balance We Need

I’m not saying we throw out masculine energy altogether—there’s a place for it. But it needs balance. The push, the discipline, the focus? They’re important. But they’re nothing without softness, trust, and a little bit of grace.

So here’s my challenge to you:

The next time you find yourself caught up in the pressure, the comparison, the never-ending quest for perfection—pause. Ask yourself:

What would happen if I softened just a little?

Because I promise you, there’s power in the pause. And who knows? You might just find that the thing you’ve been striving for was waiting in the space between the strides all along.

Let’s change this sport. Together. Because it’s time.

And if this resonates with you, if you’ve ever felt like you were stuck in a cycle of proving yourself—know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take a breath. It’s okay to slow down. And it’s more than okay to embrace a softer, more supportive way of showing up—for yourself, for your horse, and for each other.

Now, go out there and ride like the powerful, intuitive, compassionate badass you are.

And don’t worry, woo-woo Sonya won’t tell anyone if you shed a tear or two. 😉