The Questions No One Asks Him

Why Women in the Spotlight Are Still Playing Defence

There’s something quietly infuriating about watching two people sit down for an interview—one man, one woman—only to find that they’ve arrived at two completely different conversations.

He’s asked about his goals, his strategy, his biggest wins.

She’s asked about her family, her resilience, and whether she ever doubts herself.

It’s not always loud. Sometimes it comes wrapped in compliments or framed as genuine curiosity. But when women are consistently asked to justify their ambition, explain their choices, or describe how they “balance it all,” while their male counterparts get asked about legacy, performance, and leadership—it becomes clear that we’re still not playing on equal ground.

The Questions That Shape the Narrative

Whether you’re a CEO, a rugby captain, or a rising voice in your community, if you’re a woman, chances are you’ve been on the receiving end of questions like:

“How do you juggle everything?”

“Do you ever feel guilty being away from your kids?”

“Have you faced sexism?”

“What’s your self-care routine?”

“How do you stay confident in a male-dominated field?”

These aren’t bad questions in themselves. They’re just not the only questions. And when they become the default, it sends a subtle but powerful message: we’re more interested in how you survive the system than in how you lead it.

Same Story, Different Arena

In leadership, women are still asked if they’re “ready” for top positions, while men are assumed to be.

In sport, female athletes are asked about family support and menstrual cycles, while men are asked about form, tactics, and performance.

In media, women are asked about their outfits and their emotional journeys. Men? About their next move and what drives them.

The narrative may be wrapped in different packaging, but it comes down to the same thing: scrutiny, not strategy. Emotion, not excellence. And it’s exhausting.

We’ve Asked Them Too. And We’re Learning.

Here’s where we hold our hands up.

At Equitas, we’ve been guilty of asking these same types of questions. In highlighting a woman’s strength, we’ve sometimes focused too much on how she overcame hardship and not enough on what she’s building now. We’ve asked about balance before ambition, about challenges before achievements.

Not because we didn’t value her power—but because we were trying to show her humanity.

But the truth is: men don’t have to be made relatable to be respected. So why are we still trying to make women likeable before allowing them to be laudable?

This isn’t about blaming ourselves. It’s about acknowledging that even well-intentioned, women-led platforms can fall into the trap of soft storytelling. And it’s about choosing to shift, on purpose.

Better Questions, Stronger Stories

If we want to create a more equal playing field, we need to start asking better questions. Not softer questions. Not safer ones. Better.

Ask women what drives them. Ask what’s next. Ask about their business plans, their training programmes, their vision for the future. And while we’re at it, ask men how they manage parenting, pressure, and work-life balance too.

When we do that, we stop defining women by what they endure and start celebrating them for what they create.

Where We Go From Here

We can’t rewrite the questions we’ve already asked, but we can rewrite the next ones.

At Equitas, we’re committed to asking bolder, sharper, more balanced questions—because the women we represent deserve to be seen as leaders first, not just survivors.

And to every interviewer, media outlet, coach, and platform out there—this is your nudge: take stock of the stories you’re telling and the way you’re telling them. Because sometimes change starts not with the answers, but with the questions we choose to ask.